The trials and tribulations of Motherhood ...aka, is my kid already too screwed up, or am I actually doing this right?

I had a beautiful blog entry in my head this morning as I showered, and now I have no idea what it was going to be.  So, here's what popped out instead.


The Minion will latch onto something and be pretty much obsessed for days, possibly a couple of weeks.  It can be a TV show or a food, it varies.  Currently he's obsessed with hot dogs.  He wants them for every meal.  I do not allow that, of course, but I will admit to a larger than normal hot dog consumption for the past couple of weeks.  I am hoping the phase passes soon, and saw a glimmer of hope this morning when he again requested a boiled egg.

I do have to limit him, even on the healthy stuff.  Four bananas in one day is just too many bananas for anyone, much less a pre-schooler.  But he's off bananas for the moment and on to other things.  Like boiled eggs ... which, were does he even get that from?  I like boiled eggs, but it's not something that I cook a lot of, unless I am making egg salad or potato salad or something like that.  Odd.

We had a kiwi kick a couple of weeks ago, and it was kiwi for just about every meal.  Before that it was Colby-Jack cheese and red grapes.  Now he no longer likes red grapes, only green.  It's hard to keep up sometimes.  He will eat a block of cheese all day long, but won't touch a grilled cheese sandwich.  He loves chili but would rather gnaw off his own arm than eat a helping of pinto beans (or any other bean for that matter, besides green beans).

I made a pot of 15 Bean Stew over the weekend.  LOTS of beans, mixed veggies, tomatoes, diced onion and turkey smoked sausage.  Any of these things alone would get an outright refusal.  But he ate a bowl and liked it.  Even asked for it for lunch today.  It baffles me.

He's also obsessed with The Power Rangers and wants to watch it ALL THE TIME.  I can deal with an episode or two, but then I need a break.  It never fails though, if he gets TV time, and you ask him what he wants to watch, he's gonna say Power Rangers.  Not only that, but he wants specific episodes.  On Demand is a beautiful thing ... until they take an episode down.  Then all hell breaks loose.

This morning, he randomly recited the entire Pledge of Allegiance.  I had no idea he even knew it existed, and here he is, reeling it off like it's old hat.  A few weeks ago, we were at the store and he pointed out some book or package (I don't remember exactly what it was) that had a silhouette of the Statue of Liberty on it and said, "Look, Mama, it's the Statue of Liberty!"  I am pretty sure that I had no idea it even existed when I was his age.  He alternately impresses me and terrifies me with all the things he knows.  One morning on the way to school he lectured me about cumulonimbus clouds.  WTF?  I still don't know what that is.  He knows more about Star Wars than I do.  Yet he still confuses tomato and potato, and has trouble with yesterday and tomorrow.  It's a strange age.

Some days he will dress himself alone and be so well coordinated it's frightening.  Other times he will insist on fixing himself his own food and somehow manage to have a pretty well balanced meal, even taking into consideration that it involves some sort of gummy or chocolate.  He desperately wants to slice fruits and veggies and help me cook.  He is fascinated by the task of doing laundry.  Then, the next day he suddenly can't possibly get dressed without my help.  Can't even put on a shoe.  This mix of being so grown up and yet still so much the baby is a constant source of anxiety for me.  Because I want him to be independent and self-sufficient, yet I still just can't quite let go of my baby that I want to cuddle and dress and rock and all that.  Obviously he is struggling with the transition as well, and it's a huge learning curve to master.

Often, I just watch him and can't believe that this little person who is so well defined and so ... precise ... came from me.  He has gestures that are 100% his daddy and they must be ingrained on his DNA or something.  The stuff he says and does just blows me away.  He is the coolest kid ever.

And then other days I watch him and wonder, is that normal?  Is he TOO obsessive about that?  Is
it typical for a kid his age to say or do that particular thing?  I worry that there is something going on that I am dismissing, and conversely, nothing there at all that I am trying to turn into an issue.  Everyone is so quick to label a kid with some sort of disorder these days.  There are times when I can't decide if I am just being too paranoid and a product of that tendency to label everything that we seem to have in today's society.  Can a kid just be kinda hyper sometimes, or does he have to have some sort of ADHD disorder?  If I am missing something, will he suffer later in life?  If I am trying to over diagnose normal behavior and make it a problem, will that screw him up too?  It's a constant struggle that I try to keep to myself.

Added to that, he loves me most.  He practically lives attached to my hip.  If I am walking, he's right up under me.  If I am sitting, he's right on top of me.  He sleeps with me.  He wants me in his sight at all times.  When I do something without him, some alone time, he just cannot stand it.  He does not want me to have alone time.  He wants me to have Minion time.  It's the sweetest thing ever, and it makes me crazy.

Yet he listens to nothing I say or ask.  I realize that's not a big deal really, not now.  I guess I should really say that he listens to me fine most of the time, just not when I really want it to.  I mean, it's not like he's running out into traffic or anything like that.  It's mainly when we are in a situation where I just really want him to be the bestest boy, the perfect sweet angel.  One of those, please don't let the general public, or this specific person, see what a crazy heathen he can be.  He spends time with my Mom and he is a complete angel.  I walk in the door and he turns into psycho child, bouncing off the walls, not listening, being crazy wild.  I think he does it just to make my mom nuts because he knows that it bothers her.  I go between wanting to crack down and be militaristic mom to just saying screw it and letting him go.  I have yet to find a happy medium.  Which probably doesn't help the situation.

I alternate between two states:

Wanting to have him involved in ten different activities so that he is active and involved and a part of something.  So that he grows up doing stuff and trying new things and just having a fun adventurous childhood

Wanting to spend every spare moment cuddled on the couch watching a movie and reading a book and watching him play with his Star Wars figures.  Keeping him mine, all mine, for as long as I can, just being amazed at him and all his cuteness.

Some days I feel like I balance it pretty well.  Other times I feel like I am failing miserably.  I want him to grow up and go out on his own and experience the world.  But I want him to stay with me forever and always need his Mama.  I suppose every parent feels that.  I would assume.  How could you not?

Now it's time to get ready to register for kindergarten, to prepare to send him to the big school with the big kids and the big work.  And I am just not ready.  I can't wait to see what he does when he gets there.  New friends, new skills.  But wow.  I can't even type this without crying.  I used to laugh at those silly women who cried when talking about first days of school, first milestones, first events.  And now, I am one.  Now it's not so silly.  Now it's monumental and overwhelming and I want to freeze time here for just a little bit longer.

Minion art:

Not sure what the black and red blobs are ... possibly the knife and dripping blood from the latest enemy I have skewered.  Also, he says the other small thing is a baby ... wishful thinking on his part, though we are trying.