toddler antibiotic tourture, single kick ass women scare men, and beng a terrible church attendee

My kid hates taking amoxicilin. And I can't blame him. The stuff is nasty, even with the flavoring they add now. We have had two rounds of taking this vile stuff. And every time he refused, I felt like a terrible parent because the end result was us holding him down and forcing him to take it. I know we aren't the only ones, but it still makes you feel pretty shitty.

And then suddenly, about halfway through this last round, he changed his mind. He started taking it with no complaints, no juice chaser, nothing. I don't understand it. But I am going with it. The mind of a three year old baffles me.

Now to more fun things besides toddler antibiotic torture ...

I have two friends that are single. One is older than me, and one is younger than me. Both are beautiful and smart and funny. I really can't see why they haven't been snapped up. And then one day not long ago, after hearing a horror story from one, I realized what it was. And what they both have in common is the problem.

See, they both have their shit together. They own homes and cars. They have held decent corporate jobs with 401ks. They have lives that they are fully capable of managing without a man to do it for them. Not that they don't want a man ... husband, family, etc. They just aren't gonna put their lives on hold waiting for that to happen.

And that's the problem. Because I have decided that no matter what a man says, he wants a needy, jealous, possibly financially incapable woman to take care of. These two women scare the shit out of them. They are intimidating. They also speak their minds and don't take any bullshit. Most men are just not capable of handling this. Oh, they say they are. And they try to be. But I really think that after a few dates, their brains just can't process it. And so they make up drama and ridiculous stuff just to try to get these two to show them the crazy. And when it doesn't happen? They are at a loss. And so they move on. It's kinda funny actually.

But it's also really pissing me off. Surely there are two sane men in this world that can take on these two women. I believe there has to be. So where are you guys? Hurry up already!

What else is new in the land of Eville? Well, The Minion's new favorite hobby is to shove his finger up his nose (I swear he's got to be touching brain) and loudly proclaim that he is digging for gold. Funny in private. Mortifying in public.

We have an ancient, blind and meaner than ever weenie dog that likes to bite EVERYTHING that gets near her. And another not quite as ancient weenie dog with only one (partially) functioning kidney. The fun never ends in this house. It's a non-stop regimen of medicines, special foods, administering fluids, etc. And every time I turn around someone has peed or pooed somewhere new. The other day I realized that my life had gone from irritation at finding such a mess to just plain old acceptance. And even happiness when they actually use a pee pad. Such is the joy of elderly dog ownership. And yet, I love them more than should even be possible. It's a conundrum.

I've become a firm believer in the karma train, and I am keeping a list of the people that I look forward to seeing it run over. The day can't come soon enough. Partly because I want them to recognize what shitty humans they are. And partly because I am just petty and vindictive enough, and can hold a grudge enough, to want to have my moment to relish their karmic misfortune.

The Minion has several favorite topics of conversation, and one of them is the penis. He will name off all males he knows and inform anyone listening that they have a penis. Generally he's content to say that Mama does not, but when he mentions the dog, he says that she doesn't have one, she has a hole. Which I find equally hilarious and horrifying. Being just enough of a Southern prude to not want to use certain words, I don't really have names for body parts. Especially THOSE parts. So I don't really know what to say to him and I just let it go. I realize eventually we need to have that conversation, but I am going with the ignore it and it doesn't exist method for as long as possible.

Now, I don't claim to be a super religious person, but we do make an effort to go to church every week. We don't always make it, but we are good for usually 3 out of 4 weeks in a month. I do know that I want The Minion to grow up with a church experience, and he can make up his own mind as he gets older. I really like our church.

That being said, I just do not like to go on Christmas and Easter. I realize that there are a lot of people that only go a few times a year, and those are the two big ones. And that makes me want to stay at home. I just don't feel like dealing with those people. Not that I am better than them, or more Christian than them or anything. I just hate the crowd as it is. A veritable crush of people does not add to my enjoyment. I am too worried about occupancy issues and claustrophobia setting in ... and all those lovely flowery perfumes worn in abundance ... to really focus.

And what is it with the bathing in perfume for church? It's like they want Jesus to smell them from Heaven. And considering they way some women douse themselves with the vile stuff, it's possible he might. But I digress.

I like to go to the early service, sit in the back, listen, enjoy and leave. On a holiday that just isn't possible. So, we are probably the only family on the planet that actually avoids church on holidays. Go us.

I suppose that's enough for now. I haven't even ranted about politics, so I should stop before something strikes my fancy. Also, there's a good chance that The Minion is trying to fix a bowl of ice cream all by himself. That won't end well.