Every girl has a list of the guys she lusts after. Her crushes. Some secret, some not. Rock stars, celebrities, etc. You know - The List.

Well, my list has been basically the same since high school. That makes me feel old just saying that. And also predictable and maybe a little bit boring. But why fix something that ain't broke?

In recent years, my list has taken a beating. Slowly but surely, my lust worthy men are being eliminated because, well, they just aren't aging well. Finally, The List is broke and needs fixing.

The first to go was Keanu.

Oh Keanu, how I did love you so. Through the adorable stupidness of Bill and Ted. The sudden actiony hotness of Point Break and Speed. The super Neo sexy that followed. I was even willing to overlook those few really bad attempts at foreign accents.

But then you started wandering around looking like a homeless person with that scraggly beard of yours. I know you are eccentric and a bit quirky. I can go with that. But that excessive creepy facial hair is just too much. You gotta go. Shave that shit off your face and I might reconsider.

Then it was Joe Elliott from Def Leppard. I have swooned over this man since I was 15. The accent doesn't hurt either. I am a total sucker for accents. But Joe isn't aging so well. He's gotten a bit paunchy. And suffered through some truly unfortunate haircuts recently. Apparently going through about 5 wives has not done a lot for his complexion. Sadly, he had to go.

(Luckily, his guitar player Phil Collen was happy to step into his slot. This man is just ripped. He's a tiny little guy - like 5'6" or so - but just gorgeous. And there's that accent again. But really, it's watching him play. He's got this total casual swagger thing that just oozes sexy.)

But the really sad one is Nikki Sixx. I mean, this is a man that has basically consumed more drugs that humanly possible and survived. And did it all looking really good. If you are into that whole trashy rock star glam thing. Yes, please! He was doing so well. He made it to 50 and he was still looking fit and healthy. Then he started dating Kat Von D.

I like Kat Von D. I mean, she's not even 30 and has totally built this tattoo empire. That's pretty damn cool. I can even deal with the excessive tattoos she has. I don't really like to look at her hands, but other than that, I can ignore the rest. Granted, I think she looks like she's been out all night, and probably smells like a stale ashtray. She sorta has that Axl Rose vibe for me. I always just felt like he needed a good bath. So, yeah, I like her, but I really want to see her have a nice long soak.

And so she's half his age. Shit, he's Nikki Sixx. He can do that. He's supposed to do that. But then, it started to happen. She just sucked the hot right out of him. He started getting pasty looking. And bloated. And well, old. What the hell happened?!?!? I hear they broke up, so maybe there's hope. But for now, he's definitely benched.

So that makes me wonder ... do I need a new list? And if I do, who the hell do I put on it?!?!?!

All I can think of is those creepy middle aged women whose thoughts alone about Taylor Lautner should get them arrested. Or the scary women that go to their kids' school football games and leer at the cute boys. Shudder. Obviously, younger is not an option for me. It makes me feel like a child molester.

So, if I can't go younger, then what? Older? That's almost more disturbing. It makes me think of that movie Big Daddy and the line about old balls. ick.

Truthfully, there's just not a lot that I dig in my age group. Well, there's Kiefer Sutherland. He's sorta crazy and appears to have some sort of drinking issue, but that's kinda cool. It's a Kiefer kind of thing to tackle a Christmas tree in a hotel lobby. On him, it's endearing. On someone I was dating or married to, it would be grounds for divorce.

Jason Statham is pretty hot too - again with the accent. And that's all that comes to mind.

When did I stop noticing hot guys? Is that a mom thing that just happens? If so, that is just sad. I am determined to find me some new hotness for The List. Age appropriate of course. And if that doesn't work, then I guess I will start slinging back a couple glasses of wine before leering cute boys that are not even old enough to drink yet.