It's Cicada time in TN

If you live in my area, you know that it is basically impossible to walk outside these days and hear yourself think. The cicada invasion that happens every 13 years is in full swing, and man, those ugly little buggers are LOUD. The evil weenies love them as a snack though, and that adds yet another level of gross.

If you don't know what a cicada is ... well, bless your innocent little heart. It's like a locust and it had these creapy orange-red eyes. For some reason, most of the ones I keep seeing in my yard have some seriously jacked up wings. I don't know what that's all about, but it sorta makes me feel sorry for the little buggers. I mean, you are basically hibernating for 13 years and then get to crawl out into the world and live for a couple of weeks or so before dying. That's a pitiful little life. And then to have wonky wings so flying isn't even really possible - sorta cruel.

I generally try to avoid them, but they don't really bother me. I am amazed by how loud they are. And they are really ugly. But generally harmless. I did get preoccupied today with checking my river birch tree for signs of them, and got sidetracked with two different 'couples' involved in the breeding process. I admit, I tried to get a good picture. I couldn't because they were up too high and I needed a ladder to get a good angle with the camera. But I made an effort.

They weren't too pleased with the camera being shoved in their little ugly faces. They were all like "can we have some privacy please?" and "stop shoving that big camera at us". And I was all like, "well then stop having creepy bug sex in my favorite tree!". It was not my proudest moment.

The little bug husks laying scattered all over the ground, crunching under your feet as you walk, is also a little bit disturbing. I know it's just empty shells, but I still feel like a mass murderer.

In non bug related news, POF finally shaved off that crazy horrible beard he had going for way too long. I can deal with the big bushy goatee part - I've survived that before. But when the sideburn part started getting so long that it was sticking out like some sort of weird shrub on his face, it was time for it to go. Luckily he realized this on his own, and was shaving it off at midnight last night. Now he looks all young and fresh faced, and if I keep telling him how cute he is, I am sure he will grow it back just to spite me.

The Minion has discovered Micky Mouse, so Mickey's Playhouse has been added to the rotation. He still watched Thomas, but his latest obsession is Cars, specifically Mater. And Nemo. He LOVES Nemo. I am sooooo tired of Nemo. He also likes Chuggington, which he calls 'chuggy train'. And it's so cute, I just love to hear him say it.

He's talking up a storm and running around causing general mayhem at all times. He adores the dogs and had to be fussed at for picking at them all the time. One of these days he's gonna get bitten, I just know it. Still no potty training yet, though we are getting closer.

My fresh faced man just walked in the door, so it's time to leave this and have a little family time before The Minion goes to bed. He's a night owl like his Daddy and usually stays up till 10. Crazy kid.

I will return soon, with a tale of slithery evil and the giant toad that lives in the garage.

FB observations ... and also, uber religious people and their fake shit pisses me off.

FaceBook is an amazing thing. There are a couple of things I've noticed about the people I live around from FaceBook.

First of all, I live in a relatively small town - a suburb of a city that is still pretty small in itself. I mean, we have an NFL team and a NHL team and all that, but still, we are small time. My high school wasn't huge - I graduated with close to 300 in my class. Nothing to sneeze at, for sure.

Here's the thing. The number of people that went to my high school, and ended up married to people from school ... well, it's freaky. Most of these people didn't even hang out when they were in school. They've connected later in life. It's just strange. Maybe that happens at lots of schools. But it kinda freaks me out. Of course, that could also be because I live just a couple of miles from said school and pass it every day. And see people from school all the damn time - at Walmart, at the grocery store, at the vet, in line at the damn DMV. Weird.

Second thing is the number of people who are just God crazy. Now, don't get me wrong. I have my beliefs and all that. I go to church. But to me, my relationship with God is kinda personal. I have no problem saying that I am thankful or blessed or any of that. And I don't have a problem with the occasional "please say a prayer" deal. But I don't exactly feel the need to quote Bible verses, or post daily about how wonderful God is, blah blah blah.

I know that there are some people out there that really have a passion for their religion. And in a positive way, not in a stockpiling a militia's worth of guns in the basement way. And that's cool. But to me, a lot of the God crazy FaceBook posting seems a little bit too much. A little fake. Cause if there were really that many people out there just totally consumed with Jesus, well, this world wouldn't be such a crappy place. And that pisses me off.

And it gives the people that truly do have a passion a bad rap. For example, my pastor is amazing. His sermons are just so motivating and insightful and fun. He has Passion. And he does some really great stuff in the community, with outreach all over the world. But when you run across enough of the overzealous, trying to make myself look better Jesus lovers, it puts people like my pastor in a bad light. Cause if you don't really know him, you start to question his sincerity. Or the sincerity of anyone like him.

Are they really that into God? Do they really believe that He will take care of all their needs? Or are they just totally blowing smoke up my ass so I don't see what a self-serving, shallow jackass they really are? Smarmy politicians wrap all their little agendas in God fever. If they were really such good Christians, they wouldn't be suggesting half the bullshit they put forth in the first place.

Everyone knows I lean to the left, but I see it on both sides. We need to make cuts, I get that. But what goes first? Funding for education. Funding for social programs. Funding for the elderly and the poor. Really? REALLY? What kind of people does that make us? We want to cut off all avenues of help for the ones that raised us and cared for us as children, and the ones that will someday grow up to lead our country. How is THAT being a good Christian?

But yet, every election year, we get the same speech. Most important things to work for, to support, to see increased ... Education. Social Programs. And we fall for it every time. A slick smile and a good suit and we believe it. Then, elections are over and cuts have to be made. And here we go again. No arts programs for schools - no money. No Head Start programs for at risk neighborhoods - no money. No coverage from Medicare for that life saving medication - no money.

I know abortion is a hot button issue. And I'm not even gonna get into that itself. But the fact is, the government wants to cut abortion funding for the poorest segment of society. In essence, insist that the very people that can least afford to have more children do just that. Then, when they have those children, they have no help because the government has also cut the programs to provide them assistance for food, childcare, health care, etc. It's like here's a punch in the face, with a side of kick to the crotch. Have a nice day.

Not to mention the totally disgusting tactic of threatening to stop military pay if we don't get the budget worked out. These people are doing their jobs. Jobs that put them in danger of DEATH every single damn day in horrible places that none of us would ever want to go to. And you are going to say that they are the first ones that don't get a check?! We have an amendment that protects the paychecks of Congress and the President, but there's no protection for the people that risking their lives to protect that amendment? It just disgusts me. And what about the veterans and the families of the active soldiers? This is their paycheck, their pension. It pays their rent, buys their food, keeps their electricity on. What are they supposed to do?

Okay, fine. It all worked out. Things were resolved and there was no shutdown and people got paid, so drop it. Well, no. For days, a giant segment of this population was in limbo, wondering what they were going to do for days, possibly weeks, without any money. And it was all basically a ploy to get things passed that the politicians wanted passed. How do more people not see how wrong that is?

But wrap it all up in an American flag with a Bible verse over it and America will just eat it up. People are ignorant. They get their information from sound bites on TV and have no idea what the real issues are or what the real fight is about. They get thrown a bunch of religious rhetoric and half-facts and don't bother to find out the truth. It's sad. It's shameful. This is supposed to be the Greatest Country in the World. It's not.

I remember in my high school Latin class, our teacher gave us this handout once that had this description of a country. And as you read it, you thought that it had to be America - first in technology, education, military power, etc. And then as you read further, you realize that it's describing Rome. Before it fell. Before the government collapsed and the country imploded. We are headed for that same fate.

It's not about The People. It's about Money and Big Business. It's backroom deals and hidden agendas. It's scary. And it's frustrating. And I feel helpless to stop it. And that too pisses me off.

(steps off soap box) I need a nap.

The Tiny Terror emerges ... and also, those liberal roots are still peeking out

Hello 2011. I've been away for a while. Doing the life thing. What's new?

Well, the little Minion turned 2. And he is officially Terrible. He is the screaming tantrum king right now. Literally. Right now as I type, he is across the room screaming his little head off about something. It's a good thing I don't drink. Cause I do consider it sometimes.

I know that he's two, and his little brain is still forming, and he just doesn't have the ability to communicate the way he wants right now. I get that. And I am sure it's frustrating. I try to be patient. But sometimes, when the screeching is making whales and dolphins beach themselves in Australia, I really want to wring his little neck. I am hoping that the screaming phase ends before the potty training phase starts. Those two together just might be the death of me.

The Minion is obsessed with a certain train and his friends. It's all he wants to play with and watch. Which is fine I guess. But man, do I get tired of having those goofy songs in my head. If he had his way, we'd have a 24/7 loop of the train movies going. And don't even get me started on the fit he throws if you deny him his fix. It's just crazy.

We are limping along financially. Each month when it seems like there is no way we will be able to keep our heads above water, some miracle occurs and we make it. I'm not sure how many of these miracles we have left in our corner, but I am grateful for each and every one.

The entire world basically pisses me off, so I try to ignore it as much as possible. Which is hard with a husband who loves to surf between CNN, HLN and Fox News. Here are the things that are pissing me off this week:

That former SNL chick saying that the gay kiss on Glee was ridiculous and that two guys kissing was a comedy skit not real life. Serioulsy? I get that some people don't like the whole concept of gay. And it's wrong or it's a choice those people make to be "that way" and it's a sin and God hates them ... whatever. But regardless. Gay people exist. Whether or not we as a people like it, there it is. They are there. And for someone to say that a same sex kiss is comedy and not reality in this day and age, well, it's like saying a black President is a comedy skit and not reality. It's disrespectful and basically invalidates an entire section of the population's feelings. Which makes me very angry. Then again, this chick is all kinds of crazy, and sort of an idiot.

They did a poll and almost two thirds of the Republicans and the Tea Party people were opposed to this whole no fly zone Libya strike thing. Yet in a separate poll asking if they approved of the no fly zone plan, they said they did. So, basically, they are for bombing the shit out of whoever needs it, they just don't like this particular president giving the order. Nothing he does will get their approval. Which is just entirely fucked up.

I am so tired of Charlie Sheen. Good for him, making the crazy work in his favor. I'd love to have a swig of his Tiger Blood cocktail and conquer the world too. But it's getting tiresome hearing about it EVERY SINGLE DAY. We get it. He gave CBS the big middle finger and CBS can't decide if they hate him or want him back. Enough. Give us a crawler update when somebody decides something new.

This is totally not even in the realm of world importance, but has anyone watched the E! show Holly's World? I like Holly, and I can even tolerate her little Hobbit hanger-on Angel. But what the fuck is wrong with that Laura chick? She cannot possibly be that stupid. Everything she says sounds like a really, REALLY bad actress reading off of a cue card - with improper pauses and stuff. It's just strange. I can't stop watching her, trying to figure out what her deal is. Then she said she was making her movie ... Zombie Strippers 2. Okay. Thanks. That totally cleared everything up for me right there. Thanks, Laura. I'll stick to the drama of Swamp People from now on. At least gators aren't trying to act.

I am sure there are more things that make me angry ... probably involving POF at least once a day. But now it's time for me to go check on dogs and toddler. It is WAY too quiet over there on the other side of the sofa.

you really can't go wrong with a mr. hankey christmas decoration

Simon's not quite right ... He was born with a peanut in his head.

Happy Christmas to all!

holiday interlude

The holiday spirit has finally pervaded the Haus of Eville. The tree is up and twinkling ... even though it has about 1/4 the ornaments it usually does, and all of them are plastic or paper or cloth so The Minion doesn't destroy them. No presents under the tree this year - for the same reason.

We went and had pictures with Santa today. The Minion threw an unholy fit and refused to sit by himself, so we ended up with a nice family picture. Doubly nice since POF had agreed to go with us. We have very few photos of all three of us together, so that was a nice bonus.

Then we went and got a pizza and The Minion sat in the booth with POF like a little adult and ate his "peetzee". So damn cute it's just ridiculous.

With a fire in the fireplace, and a weenie dog under the tree, life is good. (Jerry is scared of the evil fire in the fireplace and won't even be in the living room unless I am. Then he hides as far away from the fireplace as possible. Currently, that's on the other side of the room - under the tree - with the couch blocking any possible view of the crackling scariness. He's such a wittle girl sometimes)

And in totally unrelated news, I am waiting on pins and needles for the premiere of The Hasselhoffs this weekend on A&E. It's pretty much guaranteed to be a train wreck you can't look away from, and I can't wait!

Facebook - what's the line between okay and just creepy?

Most people have old friends and classmates coming out of the woodwork to friend them on Facebook. Not me. Which is actually okay, and a little bit funny.

I mean, I make no secret about the fact that I was a Super Bitch in high school. And well, I sorta still am. My general rule has been: I wasn't friends with you then, I don't care about you know. So yeah, no one really goes out of their way to friend me. And I don't really friend request either.

That doesn't mean I don't get curious. See, I have this memory that remembers all kinds of stuff. I can tell you the names and plots of books I read in 5th grade. All my teacher's names, back to pre-school. And a large number of classmates names from then too. And sometimes my brain kicks in and I wonder about that girl I was friends with in 3rd grade, or that guy in my history class from 8th grade. Sometimes I will search a name and see if I find them, just out of curiosity. Especially elementary school. I remember all those kids, but for the most part, after 6th grade, I never saw them again. We went to different junior high/high schools and that was that.

I've had a friend tell me that someone she had gone to school with in like 3rd grade had found her on Facebook and how cool it was that they reconnected, etc. And that got me thinking ... what's the line? When is that cool and when is it creepy?

I mean, what do you say to these people?

Hey there Jennifer? Remember me? We went to elementary school together. I spent a weekend at your house once. I remember passing out flyers at the strip mall with you and your siblings protesting Liquor By The Drink in our town. I didn't even know that that meant since I was only 11. You had a weenie dog named Pooh Bear and I thought he was super cool, and to this day I am a dachshund lover. I thought it was cool that your dad was famous but still answered the door in his bathrobe and cowboy boots. And that stuffed cougar or whatever it was in your den scared the crap out of my mom. So, what's new with you?

Or ...

Hi Chris! We went to school together. I remember that you were super smart and skipped at least one grade. You always used to wear that stupid t-shirt with a teddy bear on it - something from that show MASH. Radar maybe? Anyway, I figure you are either like an astrophysicist with a giant brain, or a dishwasher at a Denny's after your total mental breakdown. Which is it? I may have money on it. Hope you are doing well!

You probably don't remember me. We were in band together. Not that we were friends. Everyone pretty much tormented you. How could we not really. I mean, you went by Lenny. That's just asking for a beating in those formative junior high years. I hear you are like super rich now or something. Cool. Glad you turned that whole bullying thing around in your favor. Take care!

Hey there crazy back stabby frienemy from high school? I hear you've been married at least 3 times. Yeah, apparently you are just as batshit crazy as your psycho mom with her multiple personalities. I hope to God (and Buddha, and Allah ... hell, throw in Zeus and Athena too for good measure) that you haven't reproduced. So, what's new with you?



See ... that's just creepy. Why would these people want to be my friends? Why would I want to be friends with someone that I haven't seen since before puberty? It's just weird. Or maybe it's just me.

Then there are the people that you try to find, but they just aren't anywhere. Those really intrigue me. Are they alive? How can there just be no trace of them at all? What are they hiding? These thoughts run around in my head sometimes. Cause I am nuts like that.

It's no wonder people are afraid to friend me. I am a little scary.

It's possible my liberal roots are showing ...

I try not to get too political in general, but this whole mosque nonsense has just pushed me past my ability to ignore stupid shit.

I wasn't in NYC on 9/11. I don't know anyone who was. I didn't lose a friend or family member. So, that being said, I have no idea what those people may feel about the whole thing - when it happened, and everything that's gone on to do with it since.

I realize that people might not like the idea of a mosque being built, as they are saying, at Ground Zero.

But ...

It's not like it's smack dab in the middle of Ground Zero. It's like 2 blocks away, around the corner. Technically still in that area, but not right where one of the Towers stood or anything. And if you've ever been to NYC, you know that a city block there is big. It's not like a neighborhood block in your subdivision. This thing is quite a little jaunt from the actual Ground Zero location.

Besides that, it's not like the people that will be using this mosque are the people that engineered 9/11. Newsflash people, not every Muslim is a fanatical America hater bent on destroying us.

Just like we have those crazy fanatical evangelists. Every religion has them. They don't make up the majority.

Now, yes, a large section of the Middle Eastern people do chant "Death to America" on a regular basis, and most of them are probably Muslim. But that really isn't a religious thing so much as a political thing. They may hide it behind religion, but it's not really about that. And they are basically brainwashed into believing that by the political and religious leaders that control them. They hate America, but don't really know why.

I saw a documentary on North Korea. The reporter was a British lady and she went to a school. The kids she talked to were about 8-10. She asked them if they had a message for the President (Baby Bush at the time), what would it be. And one of the kids actually said that she would tell him to stop killing babies. WTF? I may lay blame for a lot of things in Bush's lap, but I don't recall a baby slaughter of any sort. They are misguided. Granted, it's probably these same misguided people that will blow us off the map one day, but still. They are a only going with what they've been indoctrinated with. It's sad actually.

It seems to me that America was founded on a few key principles. One of those was Freedom of Religion. History class was a long time ago, but I do seem to recall something about how the first settlers were eager to come over here to get away from the religious oppression of their homeland. They came here to start over and have a place where they could worship their way openly.

America is supposed to be "The Greatest Country In The World". And we try to perpetuate that myth. But let's be realistic here. We are not the melting pot we claim to be. We do not support all different cultures, races and religions. And heaven forbid you be gay. Gay and want to have a family - just not acceptable. We don't want people to be "different".

America is turning into a place that wants us to be white. Conservative Christians. Ban the Mosques. Build a wall to keep the illegals out, and send them back if they do get in. Don't think too differently, don't express radical opinions. Hate anyone or anything that isn't "normal".

That's not what America is supposed to be about. It amazes me that people seem to forget what this country was really created for ... especially while they are on their soapbox screaming about protecting the Constitution.

Fear breeds hate. And politicians love to incite fear in their followers. Pay attention people. Use your brains and think for yourselves. Don't just swallow what the talking heads tell you. Don't let political agendas shrouded in religious rhetoric take away things you may not even realize you have.

Enough of that. On a different note, The Minion smells, and has just informed me of "poop". I love being a mom.