Two in one day - amazing.

Actually, I had to come back and say that in reference to my very first post, a friend informed me that her coworker told her that Man Stores like Lowe's and Home Depot do in fact have the capability of pulling up info by a credit card. I will not tell POF I know this.

(Though I will say - well played J.D. Robb. I will see you your futuristic cyber commerce capabilities, and raise you one AutoChef. Man, having one of those things would be so neat.)

It will no doubt lead to a heated discussion where he points out the Cletus the slack-jawed yokel at the Man Store register can pull up POF's entire shopping transaction history with the click of a button, while FiFi LeSweet at the Girly Store can barely ring up an order while smiling and smelling good.

At which point I will have to remind him that you can't swing a dead cat in a Home Depot around here without hitting at least a handful of lesbians. Granted, half of them will be sporting full on Achy Breaky mullets and wearing cut off flannel shirts with cargo shorts and Crocs, but technically they are women, so I still claim a victory for my gender.

Now don't get me wrong. I love the gay people. It's just a fact that this area has a large amount of them, and most of them are apparel challenged. In fact, one of my best pals during my Music Row years was gay, and whoo boy! did we have us a mess of fun. So much fun one night that he ended up being defended in court by Sister PeeWee. Who was actually PeeWee's sister and a hell of a lawyer. So there.

And while I do live in a more, well, upper class, suburb of The Big City than some, not too far down the road is something called The Country. And The Country is very rural and sometimes scary and goes right on up to the state line.

Now, up there we have what might be called a serious Uncle Daddy type situation in some parts. So trust me when I stereotype here. These are the people in wife beaters, with no teeth, usually half drunk, who always end up representing our fine state on Cops or the local news. Usually it involves the description of what the tornado sounded like, while they stand in front of the twisted wreckage of their trailer park. These people are real, and they live down the road.

In fact, we have the special privilege of knowing a couple who appeared on Springer. The part that makes that so damn amazing is that their real true story is ten times more twisted and entertaining than the made up one they did for TV. Yeah, sorry ya'll - Springer and wrasslin are both fake. Bummer.

So, to avoid that whole inbred battle of the sexes, I am just keeping my mouth shut.

Now it's time to go eat some pork chops. I am Southern. Though I draw the line at turnip greens. That's just wrong.