best friend texts ... it's surprising how often dead animals are the topic

Often, I have hilarious conversations via text with my nearest and dearest.  Over the weekend, there was an incident, and it’s developments were documented in text with two of my friends.  And, honestly, both conversations were just too good not to share with the world. 

They have been edited so that they make sense, because there were other things being said in the same conversation on other subjects.  Also, note that when I say I text, what I really mean is that I type short novellas in texts.

 

I humbly present to you all … The Saga of The Frog.

Part 1 (texts between my best friend and I)

Me:        Well.  I picked up what I thought was a big dust bunny on the floor in the hallway.  But no.  Oh, no no no. No dust bunny.  Frog.  Small. Dead. Dust covered frog.  Gross.

BFF:       Wow.

Me:        So …

1.       Where did it come from?

2.       How long has it been here?

3.       How the hell did we not discover it?

4.       Where the hell was it living to get dust covered?

5.       Are there more?

 

It’s a possible frog invasion apocalypse scenario.

BFF:       LOL. It had to be there a bit to be dusty

Me:        It wasn’t totally mummified, but it was partially. I just want to know where it came from.  It wasn’t there for long or someone would have stepped on it.

BFF:       Frogs are the First Plague

Me:        Exactly.

 

 

 

Me:        If I see a locust, I am out of here.

 

Me:        I need specifics on how it came into the hall … I’m thinking that the band of woodland creatures building a doomsday device in the attic left it as a warning.

BFF:       Was it wearing a little helmet or a saddle?

BFF:       Did you find small spears?

Me:       And that there is exactly why I love you

              No spears, but I didn’t examine it closely enough to verify a saddle.

And it’s possible I may have screamed, hurled it down the hall, returned to ouch it up with a hand mitt of toilet paper, and then gone to and eaten four chewable Peptos. Maybe.

Me:      Ouch it up.  I like that.  I meant pick it up.  Though it was psychologically painful.

BFF:       I’ll try to come over later and help solve the mystery.

Me:        POF said he probably stepped on it in the garage and it came in on his boot. Yuck

BFF:       That’s gross.

Me:        Yes it is.

 

                I’m considering implementing a “you must strip naked in the garage before entering the 

                house” rule.

                Just for POF … cause it would be really weird otherwise.

BFF:       LOL yes, and it’s not in effect if company is there.

Me:        *Awkward*

 

Part 2 (texts between me and my dear friend who LOVES frogs, bless her heart)

Obviously, I copied and pasted some of my statements from the first conversation.  Partly because they are just funny, and partly because I am just too lazy to retype the entire thing again.  Don’t fix what isn’t broken and all that …

 

Me:       Well.  I picked up what I thought was a big dust bunny on the floor in the hallway.  But no.  Oh, no no no. No dust bunny.  Frog.  Small. Dead. Dust covered frog.  Gross.

CW:         Oh no!!! Poor froggy.  L

Me:        Naturally, I thought of you.

                Which, in hindsight, was probably a poor choice

 

CW:         He probably just needs some water and he’ll be fine.

Me:        Yes, I am sure that’s it.  I was just headed out to purchase a nice aquarium habitat for the

                nice lint covered, half mummified frog.

CW:         LOL.  Was it the frog part or the dusty part or the dead part that made you think of me?  J

Me:        Frog part

                Probably shouldn’t have mentioned the other parts

CW:         You can call him Fuzzy Wuzzy  J

                Minion will love his new pet!

Me:        He certainly can’t hurt it

CW:         See? There’s a positive already!!  J

Me:      Though it’s possible I may have screamed, hurled it down the hall, returned to pick it up with a  hand mitt of toilet paper, and then gone to eat four chewable Peptos. Maybe.

CW:         Hahahaha!!!

Me:      I need specifics on how it came into the hall … I’m thinking that the band of woodland creatures building a doomsday device in the attic left it as a warning.

CW:         So he’s already swimming … (I take this to mean she assumes I flushed him)

Me:        In a sea of trash

CW:         "First the frog. You’re next lady."

Me:        Pretty much.  They are diabolical.

CW:         He probably tried to defect to warn you and, well, curtains for him.

Me:        Good point

CW:       Be on the lookout for more dust bunnies.  If they start appearing bigger and bigger, that’s the WC Gang building their trap for you.

Me:        I’m thinking we might just have to abandon the house and seek shelter elsewhere.

CW:         Good call.

                I’d say to quit cleaning so you don’t get ensnared, but that just gives them bigger ammo.

                They’re coming for you.

Me:        Let’s not kid ourselves … I quit cleaning years ago.

CW:       That’s what did it! You gave them the perfect ammo!! If that’s the case, I’m doomed here too.

             There’s not gonna be a zombie apocalypse. It’s gonna be a Woodland Creature Dust Bunny Apocalypse!!

             They’re laying out traps everywhere!

             Those of us without OCD are screwed …

Me:      HA!

I think I need to take a nap so I’ll be better prepared.

CW:         Another good call. I’m right there with ya.

 

The end.

Just another day in my wacky life. (sarcasm on)