This morning
I had three specific things I wanted to talk about. Now, I can only remember two. I hate that.
So, here goes, and maybe the other one will come to me.
First, let
me say that I do not watch The Bachelor.
Have never had the urge, don’t care for any of that nonsense. My reality shows lean toward alligators and
loggers … classy stuff. But, I have seen
and heard all the media the past few weeks about what an apparent douchemonkey
the guy has been during the show. And it
made me wonder … maybe it’s intentional.
The show has
been around forever. It’s a formula, not
a lot of deviation. Doing the nice guy
thing hasn't worked since there haven’t been a dozen happily ever afters. And, from what I can vaguely recall, a few of
the “nice guys” actually turned out to be assholes. And that gets attention. So, why not purposely enlist a jerk of douchey
proportions to change it up a bit.
I can
totally see the people on the show being like – Well, he’s good looking, but he’s
kind of a dick. What if we let him just
be that way, or even encourage him to be an even bigger twatwaffle than
normal. It will be ratings gold. And of course, no one else will know about
it. Let’s get everyone’s reactions to
him being such an ass, so it seems more natural.
I’d believe
in that possibility. He gets paid. He gets to screw around with a bunch of hot
chicks. And in the end, he doesn’t have
to do all the fake romance engagement bullshit.
He takes his cash and goes on his merry way. And maybe, a few of the women saw through it
and walked away with no damage done. And
maybe, the one still standing at the end actually saw through the bullshit and
really liked him for him. Or not. I mean, he’s pretty unlikable. But, it could happen.
The Minion
is in birthday countdown mode. He is
VERY excited to be turning 5. Naturally,
he is loving the conversation about him being born and being a baby. So far, he has zero curiosity about how he
got to be Minion-In-The-Belly. But he
definitely wants to know how he came out of the belly. This morning he asked if, when he was born,
he came out of my mouth. I laughed and
said no. He was being giggly and silly,
so I assumed that was the end of it.
But,
no. Now we have Serious Face. And he want to know, well, then where did he
come out of my belly? Did the doctor cut
him out? I said no, they didn't cut him
out, though they did help him out. From
where? Well … let’s just say that Mama
was NOT prepared to have this conversation at 7 AM. It’s possible I might have just stood there,
blank faced, staring at him for a good minute or so, trying to decide what to
say.
It’s not
that I don’t want to get technical with him, but he is only (almost) 5, so I
know I need to keep it pretty simple. I
told him boys and girls have different private parts, and that girl parts were
special so that babies could be born, so that’s where he came from. He thought that sounded pretty weird and
kinda gross. I felt like I came out of
the conversation dodging a major bullet, and dreading the next phase when he
finally decides to ask HOW he got in my belly to begin with. The stork theory seems mighty appealing right
now.
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